Thursday, June 6, 2013

Haircut: a journey

Since we are still getting to know each other (don't kiss me when you drop me off at the front door), I will let you know a little something.

My whole life, I've been obsessed with long hair. For as long as I can remember, attaining long, luscious locks has been the goal. Of course, to the outside (read: sane) person, I already had long hair. I always have. But it was never long enough.

One thing they don't tell you about being fat is that it makes your hair fall differently. It has more skin to roam over before it can reach it's final resting place. For me, it was right at the cliff that could be known as my cleavage. 

Ever since middle school, all I wanted was hair that fell below my boobs. I can't explain why, because I have no (logical) reason. It just seemed like an appropriate place for "long" hair to finally earn the title of "long". I wanted it to fall down the majority of my back. 

My hair didn't get the memo. 

I have very thin hair. and it has always stopped growing whenever it felt like it. As you can imagine, "whenever it felt like it" was always synonymous with "nowhere near where I wanted it". 
 (picture: Here is a picture from Thanksgiving 2010. I'm fairly sure this is the longest my hair has ever been. I would do a lot of things to get back to that length! I don't know how or why it ever got that long or HOW or why it stopped being that long.)

Once I became old enough to have a say in it, I refused going to the hairdresser. I avoided haircuts like the plague. Everyone always pumps you full of cliches like "regular trims make it grow faster" but I was a child with my fingers in my ears screaming la-la-la (not literally, but might as well have been) I didn't believe any of it. I didn't let ANYONE touch my precious locks. 
In recent memory (the past 4 years) I can count the amount of haircuts I have gotten on one hand. In fact, most have simply been getting bangs. I never let anyone touch the length. Hairdressers always have a way of promising a half inch, and chopping off 3 inches. I quickly learned to distrust them all.

Long hair has always just been me

Then, I woke up one day, and I felt differently. 

I realized that with the state my hair was in, it was never going to grow to the length I coveted. And even if by some miracle it did, why would I want ratty stringy hair? I pondered this for about 30 seconds.

I don't remember making the decision to cut my hair. I didn't choose to, but one day I just knew that's what I was going to do.

I am young, and I basically never step out of my comfort zone. I daydream about dying my hair all sorts of 'crazy' colors (but can't due to my current job). But I have never once thought about changing my hair style. 

When that hit me, I felt incredibly boring. What was I doing? Hair grows back! They make extensions! and wigs! Why was I  confined to this long, straight, damaged look I had committed myself to?? The time to experiment was now!

Once I made the decision, I told my mother, who is very familiar with my attachment to my hair. She literally didn't believe me at first. I had to do a lot of convincing to get her to realize that I was indeed ready for this. She set an appointment for nearly 2 weeks away. This made me nervous. What if I changed my mind before then!?

I got to work on Pinterest (I'm a self-proclaimed addict) and ended up finding more cute hair styles than I knew what to do with. I created a secret board (I wanted the change to be a surprise!) and soon had upwards of 50 pins on it. Here's a confession: they were all the same haircut, more or less. Even though I didn't realize it when I was pinning away, there WAS a style that I was clearly more drawn to.

Finally, after a lot of nervousness, the day of my hair appointment arrived. Honestly? I was terrified!

My hairdresser, who I have actually gone to on-and-off (off being when I was avoiding salons) for the majority of my life, was truly shocked, and a little apprehensive. I couldn't blame her. She had seen me pout over losing just 2 inches before. 

But I had made up my mind. I put my trust in her hands and.... took the plunge!

To my delight, I was pretty happy with it! I can't say I'm over-the-moon in love with it. BUT I don't hate it (there was a small....okay, large..part of me that feared I would).

What I like most about it is that if I leave it alone it falls straight and flat, and looks sleek. But if I add some styling paste it can transform to a slightly more 'edgy' look, to accentuate the angles and layers. The latter is how I prefer to wear it but the former is how my laziness gets what it wants.

The response from my family and friends has been overwhelming! People apparently like it! Who knew that short hair could suit me?

Which brings me to my closer. I am so glad that I took this risk, even though I was nervous and had plenty of doubts. I'm so glad I stepped out of my comfort zone to embrace change! 

If you're reading this and are on the fence about trying something new in your appearance, I urge you to go for it. Appearances change, hair grows back, and you can fix most things you don't like. I was very set in my ways before and now I can look back and see how utterly silly and childish that was.

I know I'm going to have moments where I miss having long hair, and that's okay.
 Because overall, I'm really glad I did it.

I hope you guys like it! 

Follow your bliss, even if it scares you,
Ember Darling

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